Ye Gads! I'm a Teacher!

I'm a proper teacher. I don't just faff about doing a bit of nice one-to-one. I manage class after class and mark books and mock exams and plan and differentiate and write reports. I take the register. Grrr! And, I'm managing. Just. And, I'm managing because, on the whole, kids are fun.

I have some funny stories from the classroom, for your delectation. First, from a year 8 Frankenstein essay.

"You can tell Frankenstein has really let himself go because when Clerval comes round for a glass of wine they have to share a glass and Frankenstein wipes it clean for him on a rag. If Frankenstein hadn't chosen to be such an outcast he would have had normal things in his house like kitchen roll and a tea towel."

When discussing the election with year 9.

"Shouldn't that be a hanged parliament, Miss?"

And here's one from the TES.

I was marking my year sevens' exercise books, they had all written a short account of the life of Geoffrey Chaucer.

One girl in the class, who is the meekest, sweetest, 'do you mind if I use gel pen to underline, please, Miss?' bespectacled, brace-wearing child, had written the following, towards the end of her homework: "In 1400, Geoffrey Chaucer died of a massive brain tumor. The tumor was so big it would be equivalent to.. (at this point I turned the page)... ...Shaquille O'Neill's left testicle."

Quelle Joi!

Anon, gentle reader! Anon!