Tuesday, 18 March 2008

The Birds and The Bees

Just a note to let you know that if you have little ones reading over your shoulder you may not want them to read this post.

Just before I tell you about a conversation I had with my eldest girl on the way home from school yesterday, let me tell you that we had a talk about how babies were made (very biological), how they grew, and how they were born, about a month ago now. She was scheduled to be taught it at school and I thought it would be best coming from me first. She took it really well, like a true scientist in fact! lol! I patted myself on the back and decided to discuss the finer points of marital relationships when she has the emotional maturity to deal with such information. Anyway, here's a transcript of the conversation we had yesterday.

Youngest Girl: Mummy, are you growing a baby in your tummy?
Commentary: Aah! I know I look 4 months gone, but I thought I was cleverly concealing the "cake-belly" with my baggy jumper.
Mummy: No, I'm not growing a baby in my tummy.
Commentary: Meanwhile youngest girl catches up with her friend and scoots ahead awhile.
Eldest Girl: When are you going to have another baby mum? I'd love another brother or sister.
Mummy: Oh, I'd like another baby, but daddy is just very happy with having two lovely daughters like you and your sister.
Commentary: Daddy is concerned about providing for a larger family in this uncertain world, Daddy has never heard of the Quiverfull movement!lol!
Eldest Girl: Oh, but you can't choose when you're going to have a baby.
Mummy: Yes you can.
Commentary: Immediately I want to swallow back my words! I am not ready to discuss abstinence and contraception with all of the difficult moral nuances pertaining to a proper discussion of the topic. I wish I wasn't feeling ill. I blame the caffeine in all of that Day Nurse I've been taking! Meanwhile my child looks thoughtful.
Eldest Girl: Oh I see. Does that mean the man puts his thingy in you every time you want a baby? I just thought he did it once and all of your eggs became fertilised there and then. I thought the you just grew a baby when God decided.
Mummy: No, the man puts his thingy inside the woman every time they want a baby.
Commentary: I have decided in a split second that I am not discussing the pleasurable side of s*x right now. Now is not the time! I have a temperature!!!! I am also vaguely pleased she is saying "thingy" rather than the proper word!
Eldest Girl: That means you and daddy had to do it twice. I don't really want to think about that.
Mummy: Yes, it's probably best not to think about it too much. I never wanted to think about granny and granddad doing it to make me and Auntie M.
Commentary: What an earth have I just said.? Have I mentioned granny and granddad doing "it" to my ten year old? Yes I have. I need to lie down. Oh, dear, what is she going to ask now, she's looking very thoughtful.
Eldest Girl: My friend H in Year 6...
Commentary: Oh no! What has she been told by an older girl?
Eldest Girl: My friend H in Year 6 saved a bee today. It was buzzing by the window and people were being really stupid, but she got a piece of paper a shooed it out of the classroom.
Mummy: That's very good. I love bees. When I'm an old lady I shall keep bees.
Eldest Girl: Bees are cool.
Commentary: Mummy is relieved but wonders if eldest girl will exclaim to her future husband on her wedding night "but my mum and dad only ever did it twice!"

5 comments:

Jenny said...

Well done.I had a similar conversation with Kate recently but about when she might begin her periods and then launched into a few tales from my own history to make her feel more comfortable. The result - "Can we stop talking about this mum.I'd rather have afternoon tea" I got a bit too chatty I think.

Sarah said...

Oh Lol! I had a conversation with Squidge whereby I told her how I grew her in my tummy (at 3 she's not asked yet how she got in there). She got quite animated and then said "yes and B was in there and we duffed each other up and I was like..." *animates beating up older sister*...*long pause* so was Daddy in your tummy? "No dear, Daddy was in Nana's tummy" "noooooo, hahahahahahahaha".

LOL!

Dulce Domum said...

Hi Jenny
Ah yes, the periods thing. A few girls in my eldest girl's class have started to wear bras and menstruate. That's my next job, explaining all of that, but I suppose I'm half way there!

Hi Sarah
They were duffing each other up in your womb! Oh that is sooo funny! It must have been a difficult pregnancy for you dear...

Zillah said...

S, nearly 4, knows how babies grow in mummy's tummies, in spite of DH's attempts to convince her I knitted her in there with a set of special needles!

"She didn't knit me, I GREW"

Zillah

Dulce Domum said...

Ooh Zillah that's so sweet! Whether you knitted her with special needles or not she's still "fearfully and wonderfully made".