Tuesday, 18 March 2008

The Birds and The Bees

Just a note to let you know that if you have little ones reading over your shoulder you may not want them to read this post.

Just before I tell you about a conversation I had with my eldest girl on the way home from school yesterday, let me tell you that we had a talk about how babies were made (very biological), how they grew, and how they were born, about a month ago now. She was scheduled to be taught it at school and I thought it would be best coming from me first. She took it really well, like a true scientist in fact! lol! I patted myself on the back and decided to discuss the finer points of marital relationships when she has the emotional maturity to deal with such information. Anyway, here's a transcript of the conversation we had yesterday.

Youngest Girl: Mummy, are you growing a baby in your tummy?
Commentary: Aah! I know I look 4 months gone, but I thought I was cleverly concealing the "cake-belly" with my baggy jumper.
Mummy: No, I'm not growing a baby in my tummy.
Commentary: Meanwhile youngest girl catches up with her friend and scoots ahead awhile.
Eldest Girl: When are you going to have another baby mum? I'd love another brother or sister.
Mummy: Oh, I'd like another baby, but daddy is just very happy with having two lovely daughters like you and your sister.
Commentary: Daddy is concerned about providing for a larger family in this uncertain world, Daddy has never heard of the Quiverfull movement!lol!
Eldest Girl: Oh, but you can't choose when you're going to have a baby.
Mummy: Yes you can.
Commentary: Immediately I want to swallow back my words! I am not ready to discuss abstinence and contraception with all of the difficult moral nuances pertaining to a proper discussion of the topic. I wish I wasn't feeling ill. I blame the caffeine in all of that Day Nurse I've been taking! Meanwhile my child looks thoughtful.
Eldest Girl: Oh I see. Does that mean the man puts his thingy in you every time you want a baby? I just thought he did it once and all of your eggs became fertilised there and then. I thought the you just grew a baby when God decided.
Mummy: No, the man puts his thingy inside the woman every time they want a baby.
Commentary: I have decided in a split second that I am not discussing the pleasurable side of s*x right now. Now is not the time! I have a temperature!!!! I am also vaguely pleased she is saying "thingy" rather than the proper word!
Eldest Girl: That means you and daddy had to do it twice. I don't really want to think about that.
Mummy: Yes, it's probably best not to think about it too much. I never wanted to think about granny and granddad doing it to make me and Auntie M.
Commentary: What an earth have I just said.? Have I mentioned granny and granddad doing "it" to my ten year old? Yes I have. I need to lie down. Oh, dear, what is she going to ask now, she's looking very thoughtful.
Eldest Girl: My friend H in Year 6...
Commentary: Oh no! What has she been told by an older girl?
Eldest Girl: My friend H in Year 6 saved a bee today. It was buzzing by the window and people were being really stupid, but she got a piece of paper a shooed it out of the classroom.
Mummy: That's very good. I love bees. When I'm an old lady I shall keep bees.
Eldest Girl: Bees are cool.
Commentary: Mummy is relieved but wonders if eldest girl will exclaim to her future husband on her wedding night "but my mum and dad only ever did it twice!"


Jenny said...

Well done.I had a similar conversation with Kate recently but about when she might begin her periods and then launched into a few tales from my own history to make her feel more comfortable. The result - "Can we stop talking about this mum.I'd rather have afternoon tea" I got a bit too chatty I think.

Sarah said...

Oh Lol! I had a conversation with Squidge whereby I told her how I grew her in my tummy (at 3 she's not asked yet how she got in there). She got quite animated and then said "yes and B was in there and we duffed each other up and I was like..." *animates beating up older sister*...*long pause* so was Daddy in your tummy? "No dear, Daddy was in Nana's tummy" "noooooo, hahahahahahahaha".


Dulce Domum said...

Hi Jenny
Ah yes, the periods thing. A few girls in my eldest girl's class have started to wear bras and menstruate. That's my next job, explaining all of that, but I suppose I'm half way there!

Hi Sarah
They were duffing each other up in your womb! Oh that is sooo funny! It must have been a difficult pregnancy for you dear...

Zillah said...

S, nearly 4, knows how babies grow in mummy's tummies, in spite of DH's attempts to convince her I knitted her in there with a set of special needles!

"She didn't knit me, I GREW"


Dulce Domum said...

Ooh Zillah that's so sweet! Whether you knitted her with special needles or not she's still "fearfully and wonderfully made".