Saturday, 23 January 2010

In In Which She Accidentally Seduces a Train Conductor

So I'm on the train going from Big City to Market Town and I have my nose in a Rosamunde Pilcher and I'm (ahem) chillin' after a hard day at the chalkface. But then, gentle reader, I smell something funny. Now, smelling something funny is not an unusual occurrence on the 3:50 from Big City to Market Town, but this smell was the distinct, and perhaps now slightly unusual, smell of cigarette smoke in a confined space. I look around the half empty carriage and see a group of boys in hoods puffing away quite happily, and might I say quite illegally, at the old coffin nails. The thing is, I don't tell teenage boys to stop smoking unless it is between the hours of 8:30 and 3:10, after those hours it is an other's responsibility. So I search around for the train conductor and I catch his eye.

I don't say a thing to him, surely he can smell the smoke? I indicate with my eyes that the boys on the other end of the train are smoking. He smiles. I smile (grimace) back and indicate, again with my peepers, that the boys at the far end of the carriage are puffing away like chimneys. He smiles a wide, not so charming, grin. I give up. He obviously wants an easy life and doesn't want to confront the hoodies. Who knows, in this day and age they may pull out a "piece" and "ice" him. Or they may call him a rude name. Either way, it is obvious that the conductor is not going to cause a fuss when we only have five minutes of the journey left before they train "terminates". I agree with him, I just want to read my book.

However, when we all "alight" and the hoodies exit the train, the conductor takes me to one side and says, "it's been nice having you on board today love, enjoy the rest of your journey!" I think I've pulled.


Anonymous said...

Dulce! Making big eyes at the conductor eh? :)

debbie bailey said...

The title of you post sounds like a great title for a mystery novel. That is so funny!

monix said...

Brief Encounter, the remake?

~Tessa~Scoffs said...

I think you have.

Angela said...

What I want to know is - do you travel on this train regularly? is this going to become a tale told in many episodes
"In which she discovers the conductor's first name..."
"In which the conductor winks as he checks her ticket"
etc etc
Please be careful not to get any grit in your eye!

Dulce Domum said...

Hi Sarah
It was purely least that's what I've told the DH.

Hi Debbie
Now, if I could write mystery novels I may no longer have to take the train to and from school!

Hi Monix
Sadly, the train conductor is no Trevor Howard.

Hi Tessa
Yes, I have. I'm now considering taking a later train.

Hi Angela
Angela, he *did* wink!

~~louise~~ said...

Pull out a "piece" and "ice" him? That's hysterical Dulce. I know I should remark on those "bad" boys Trevor Howard, then who???

Maureen said...

Do you think he misinterpreted the facial gestures?

He thought - aha! A bit of a minx here......

Susan said...

Too funny. Think how he is telling the story!

Gumbo Lily said...

So the conductor was glad you called him over, eh?

Great story.

Nan said...

This was such fun to read! I love Angela's comment.

reanaclaire said...

hello.. coming by to visit your blog.. your title of your blog really lures me here :)

Wartime Housewife said...

I've just had your blog recommended to me by Sue at The Quince Tree. Excellent piece on the weekly shop (we're clearly on the same wavelength) and your photos are great - love the steam train. I shall look forward to reading more.