In In Which She Accidentally Seduces a Train Conductor

So I'm on the train going from Big City to Market Town and I have my nose in a Rosamunde Pilcher and I'm (ahem) chillin' after a hard day at the chalkface. But then, gentle reader, I smell something funny. Now, smelling something funny is not an unusual occurrence on the 3:50 from Big City to Market Town, but this smell was the distinct, and perhaps now slightly unusual, smell of cigarette smoke in a confined space. I look around the half empty carriage and see a group of boys in hoods puffing away quite happily, and might I say quite illegally, at the old coffin nails. The thing is, I don't tell teenage boys to stop smoking unless it is between the hours of 8:30 and 3:10, after those hours it is an other's responsibility. So I search around for the train conductor and I catch his eye.

I don't say a thing to him, surely he can smell the smoke? I indicate with my eyes that the boys on the other end of the train are smoking. He smiles. I smile (grimace) back and indicate, again with my peepers, that the boys at the far end of the carriage are puffing away like chimneys. He smiles a wide, not so charming, grin. I give up. He obviously wants an easy life and doesn't want to confront the hoodies. Who knows, in this day and age they may pull out a "piece" and "ice" him. Or they may call him a rude name. Either way, it is obvious that the conductor is not going to cause a fuss when we only have five minutes of the journey left before they train "terminates". I agree with him, I just want to read my book.

However, when we all "alight" and the hoodies exit the train, the conductor takes me to one side and says, "it's been nice having you on board today love, enjoy the rest of your journey!" I think I've pulled.